A couple of posts ago I talked about my situation. In essence an identity crisis.
The message was one of sorrow but with a glimpse of hope in my situation. Since last thursday this issue of arrogance, dislike of self and not opening myself up to poeple has been definitevly solved. The false face is gone, the loss of identity while still being built has come along in leaps and bounds, the arrogance is gone, and has been replaced by a humility, love for others and a fresh desire to serve.
The vision for my life has never been clearer and I ow see with new eyes and a fresh outlook upon my life and myself. The dislike of self has been completely removed, and I really can now love my neighbour as myself.
My life has been revolutionised and shall never be the same. Praise God, His love endures forever.
Wednesday, March 14
Tuesday, March 13
Pelican Narrows
On wednesday we are all heading up north to a native reserve called pelican narrows. We are going there to minister to the First Nations people. These people are a part of a predicament in the Canadian world where many of these people are living on reserves allocated by the government as their entitlements because this country was their's first. The government pays their way if they choose to live on these reserves. When Canada was settled many things were introduced that really upset the social balance amoung the native people such as alcohol and in the modern day, drugs.
These things amoung others have caused serious social problems throughout the native community. The extent of these problems can be conveyed by the following statement: Children are deprived of love and care by parents - many of which are alcoholics. Many parents are verbally and physically abusive. 12 year old children are dying from sniffing petrol, and crystal meth has recently made its way into the reserves.
We are running a kids club where we are most likely expecting upwards of 100 children between the ages of 6 to 12. We are running two youth nights with music, games, and a testimony from one of the guys. If the Spirit moves there will be a gospel message. If not we will just be focusing on building relationship with the youth. The second night will be the same thing but there will be a gospel message. The music includes secular and worship music.
So I am asking for prayer. I should have asked for it a long time ago... but there is nothing I can do about that now. So I ask please pray that the community woukd be reseptive and responsive to the message we give. That they would be grateful for what we give them in our time and food and gifts. Please pray for Teresa, her friend, her family, and the cheif of the community who are some of the few christians in the community. While us and the group will most likely come under some spiritual attack before, during or after the ministry time, we are not in the firing line anything like these people who have been there for so long and will remain there after we leave. They are at serious risk. So please pray for their protection from bearing any burden or temptation that will pull them away from the path that God wants them to follow. Please pray that they will not buy into lies, that they would not be bought off and that they would not submit to intimidation - whether that is by people or directly by the enemy. Because after we leave the torch will be passed to them to keep the flame burning.
Any and all prayer will be appreciated.
Thank you from Tim on behalf of all the Soul Edge boys.
These things amoung others have caused serious social problems throughout the native community. The extent of these problems can be conveyed by the following statement: Children are deprived of love and care by parents - many of which are alcoholics. Many parents are verbally and physically abusive. 12 year old children are dying from sniffing petrol, and crystal meth has recently made its way into the reserves.
We are running a kids club where we are most likely expecting upwards of 100 children between the ages of 6 to 12. We are running two youth nights with music, games, and a testimony from one of the guys. If the Spirit moves there will be a gospel message. If not we will just be focusing on building relationship with the youth. The second night will be the same thing but there will be a gospel message. The music includes secular and worship music.
So I am asking for prayer. I should have asked for it a long time ago... but there is nothing I can do about that now. So I ask please pray that the community woukd be reseptive and responsive to the message we give. That they would be grateful for what we give them in our time and food and gifts. Please pray for Teresa, her friend, her family, and the cheif of the community who are some of the few christians in the community. While us and the group will most likely come under some spiritual attack before, during or after the ministry time, we are not in the firing line anything like these people who have been there for so long and will remain there after we leave. They are at serious risk. So please pray for their protection from bearing any burden or temptation that will pull them away from the path that God wants them to follow. Please pray that they will not buy into lies, that they would not be bought off and that they would not submit to intimidation - whether that is by people or directly by the enemy. Because after we leave the torch will be passed to them to keep the flame burning.
Any and all prayer will be appreciated.
Thank you from Tim on behalf of all the Soul Edge boys.
Friday, March 9
Snowmobiles, Quad-Bikes, and Sleds.
After our morning with Mark it was back to the house and to the normal routine. Mind you for me nothing will be the same after that time with Mark. That morning was really good because since then Mark has been around and hanging out with us. Popping in from time to time has been really good and all the guys really enjoy Mark hanging round and spending time with him.
That day also had a coffee with Joel which was realy good and positive. Always helps to have someone around to talk to about thigns because it ensure that ou are thinking things through and i discover that i discover things that i otherwise would bot have come across or thought about if I wasn't talking to that person.
So that was Thursday.
Friday was a very interesting day. It was a stock standard day until we headed off to the ranch and found something to do. Dan G and JJ went ice-skating so they did not come out on this adventure but the rest of us did and had a wonderful time. It was through this time that i rediscovered. Sorry... here for the first time really discovered my sense of adventure and desire to not live a safe and bubble-wrap lifestyle. We pulled the snowboards out as well as a plastic orange sled and at different points strapped them to the quad with a rope wth them travelling behind. this was all done on the big lake on the Erb property near the feed lot. I wish I could put video on a blog. I really wsh I could, there is some great stuff that I got on my camera. It all started with Paul on the sled and Big D on the quad. They flew around the lake. Joel was asking Dan to slow down "you're gonna kill him!" Not really actually because as we discovered the snow was thick enough to break the fall and because you're low to the ground you only slide and hence would really struggle to break something. So it was no holds bar! what we didn't predict from all this though was the amount of snow that flies up from the quad and sled. You get mouthuls of snow should you open it to say anthing at all and so much snow that you cannot see anything at all. Next time we would be more prepared...
Dan here would master the quad and learn to take sleds and snowboards. Riding on these sleds is some of the most adrenaline pumping, excitement filling stuff you can do. Flying by the seat of your pants - almost quite literally - behind a quad going about 50km/h, snow flying everywhere, going over many little bumps in the lake that feel like mountains, bringing many sore points along the back and legs. But would only be beaten in excitement and exhileration by the next day.
Satrday is a day that shal never be forgotton and has really given me a taste of adventure that shall not be quenched any time soon. Attached were various objects behind the quad this time and we (that is 5 of the guys) would wrestle and fight trying to push each other off the various objects trailing behind the quad. Two of these objects were breifcases, and worked surprisingly well - once snow was placed in the act as padding. Josh Erb would discover the ecret a little too late and would sustain a blow that he would feel for the rest of the day. He was fine though - these farm boys just suck it up.
The highlight for me though came later in the day. Halfway through ou morning session the Erb's neighbours the Klasson girls came to join us for the event. And with them they brought two snowmobiles. One of which was a Yamaha 1000cc 120 bhp. This Dan hopped on I attached a briefcase and he took me from one end of the lake to the other. up the first time at about 50km/h. On the way back though I asked him to "go as fast as you can". So Dan flew across this lake at 75km/h with me flying (at points) behind holding onto this old breifcase (surprislingly not scared at all) going over little jumps and absolutely zooming along. It all came to a terrible end though when Dan hit a sharp bump in the ice that rolled the snowmobile falling on his leg and breaking it in two places. I continued at high speed and slammed into the snowmobile sending me flying over the top 10 feet into the air and breaking my right arm which I landed on. Just kidding. Dan finally hit this big jump near the end of the lake which the snowmobile got air on and when I went over it I got a foot into the air and went about 20 feet crashing to the ground all in the blink of an eye, sprawling out of the suitcase and sliding another 3 or so metres on my back in the snow. One of my favorite memories that shall be forever cherished.
Great day.
Sunday was another church service day. And we again had dinner at the ranch, once again experiencing Polly's amazing cooking. And knowing that she's reading right now - thanks again, all the guys appreciate all the time and effort you put in for us on the nights you cook for us. (Oh and on the subject of cooking and hospitality thank you Jesse and JL for the wonderful poppy-seed muffins today, they were spectacular.)
Then Monday came. The main event of this day was Youth. This is the youth group that the whole town's churches youth attend. Year's 6 to 12. Tis is the first we have attended and Dan Dan Josh and Josh were the band for the night. Before hand while Cody was praying for the night God told him that His spririt was going to move. this was exciting and yes the Spirit did move that night.
The worship was really god. the guys rocked out and brought a great charasmatic worship session that had not been witnessed by the youth for a ong time. the songs were well selected with The Stand being the big one, as well as Beautiful One and other classics. the youth really responded and really enjoyed what was offered them. Looking for any move of the Spirit at all and being really hopeful, I was put on edge a little when the Spirit didn't move - especially not knowing what the message was. So Clint got up and began his talk. This guy was great. Most reading will know the talk that is often given to youth concerning removing trash from your life. Those that know of these talks will probably know that they are often done quite badly. Clint nailed it. God used him in an amazing way on Monday night, and the youth responded. There was an alter call, the Soul Edge guys got up the fornt ready to pray for people, and we did. What I thank God for was the oppurtunity He gave me to talk to one of the girls that went up the front. I talked to her about a relational and loving and caring God. Something that kids here don't seem to understand - that God wants relationship with us. They know of this fact but are yet to really go after it and to pursue relationship with God. Please pray for the youth. That they would come to this understanding and place.
Tuesday we headed out to Swift Current to do the shopping as well as a movie night. Shopping was not the usual experience though. The van was not present at the house so we had to take Dave's amazing Bronco. Big four wheel drive vehicle. Monster of a truck. Thing is though it was modified form a two wheel to a four wheel. so a mechanism was put in place to do this. So there we are Me, Dan G, Cody, JJ, and Paul piled and squished into a four seater (Paul was in the back), and headed off to Swift, while the others headed off to the ranch to get the van in the Erb family car. Everything was all fine and dandy until - the car cut out. Just stopped. So Dave rolled it in neutral until it came to a stop, and Dave and Cody hopped out and took a look at the car. Under the car which the rest of us are still in we hear Dave say something. I forget because at the time it was really good comic value. Turns out thought the two cases that held fluid and contained the machanism which made the Bronco 4WD had ost all the bolts and had moved away from each other, creating a nice big gap. So we sat in the bronco until the van came by and we all hopped in and when to do the shopping. Once again it was two shopping trolley's and a few hundred dollars worth of food. That's a week's worth. there's some carry over though. that night was manly movie night. The oither manly movie night we watched Braveheart. This time it was Gladiator.
Wednesday was good. Got to 10 degrees above 0 which was really nice. And yes that is a very warm day. I was walking around after the soccer game in shorts and shirt. That day I finally got ot meet up with Kent which was good, and then later we had a wonderful night of Cell group with some of the young guys in youth.
I believe it's pretty up to date now.
Have a great one, and God Bless.
That day also had a coffee with Joel which was realy good and positive. Always helps to have someone around to talk to about thigns because it ensure that ou are thinking things through and i discover that i discover things that i otherwise would bot have come across or thought about if I wasn't talking to that person.
So that was Thursday.
Friday was a very interesting day. It was a stock standard day until we headed off to the ranch and found something to do. Dan G and JJ went ice-skating so they did not come out on this adventure but the rest of us did and had a wonderful time. It was through this time that i rediscovered. Sorry... here for the first time really discovered my sense of adventure and desire to not live a safe and bubble-wrap lifestyle. We pulled the snowboards out as well as a plastic orange sled and at different points strapped them to the quad with a rope wth them travelling behind. this was all done on the big lake on the Erb property near the feed lot. I wish I could put video on a blog. I really wsh I could, there is some great stuff that I got on my camera. It all started with Paul on the sled and Big D on the quad. They flew around the lake. Joel was asking Dan to slow down "you're gonna kill him!" Not really actually because as we discovered the snow was thick enough to break the fall and because you're low to the ground you only slide and hence would really struggle to break something. So it was no holds bar! what we didn't predict from all this though was the amount of snow that flies up from the quad and sled. You get mouthuls of snow should you open it to say anthing at all and so much snow that you cannot see anything at all. Next time we would be more prepared...
Dan here would master the quad and learn to take sleds and snowboards. Riding on these sleds is some of the most adrenaline pumping, excitement filling stuff you can do. Flying by the seat of your pants - almost quite literally - behind a quad going about 50km/h, snow flying everywhere, going over many little bumps in the lake that feel like mountains, bringing many sore points along the back and legs. But would only be beaten in excitement and exhileration by the next day.
Satrday is a day that shal never be forgotton and has really given me a taste of adventure that shall not be quenched any time soon. Attached were various objects behind the quad this time and we (that is 5 of the guys) would wrestle and fight trying to push each other off the various objects trailing behind the quad. Two of these objects were breifcases, and worked surprisingly well - once snow was placed in the act as padding. Josh Erb would discover the ecret a little too late and would sustain a blow that he would feel for the rest of the day. He was fine though - these farm boys just suck it up.
The highlight for me though came later in the day. Halfway through ou morning session the Erb's neighbours the Klasson girls came to join us for the event. And with them they brought two snowmobiles. One of which was a Yamaha 1000cc 120 bhp. This Dan hopped on I attached a briefcase and he took me from one end of the lake to the other. up the first time at about 50km/h. On the way back though I asked him to "go as fast as you can". So Dan flew across this lake at 75km/h with me flying (at points) behind holding onto this old breifcase (surprislingly not scared at all) going over little jumps and absolutely zooming along. It all came to a terrible end though when Dan hit a sharp bump in the ice that rolled the snowmobile falling on his leg and breaking it in two places. I continued at high speed and slammed into the snowmobile sending me flying over the top 10 feet into the air and breaking my right arm which I landed on. Just kidding. Dan finally hit this big jump near the end of the lake which the snowmobile got air on and when I went over it I got a foot into the air and went about 20 feet crashing to the ground all in the blink of an eye, sprawling out of the suitcase and sliding another 3 or so metres on my back in the snow. One of my favorite memories that shall be forever cherished.
Great day.
Sunday was another church service day. And we again had dinner at the ranch, once again experiencing Polly's amazing cooking. And knowing that she's reading right now - thanks again, all the guys appreciate all the time and effort you put in for us on the nights you cook for us. (Oh and on the subject of cooking and hospitality thank you Jesse and JL for the wonderful poppy-seed muffins today, they were spectacular.)
Then Monday came. The main event of this day was Youth. This is the youth group that the whole town's churches youth attend. Year's 6 to 12. Tis is the first we have attended and Dan Dan Josh and Josh were the band for the night. Before hand while Cody was praying for the night God told him that His spririt was going to move. this was exciting and yes the Spirit did move that night.
The worship was really god. the guys rocked out and brought a great charasmatic worship session that had not been witnessed by the youth for a ong time. the songs were well selected with The Stand being the big one, as well as Beautiful One and other classics. the youth really responded and really enjoyed what was offered them. Looking for any move of the Spirit at all and being really hopeful, I was put on edge a little when the Spirit didn't move - especially not knowing what the message was. So Clint got up and began his talk. This guy was great. Most reading will know the talk that is often given to youth concerning removing trash from your life. Those that know of these talks will probably know that they are often done quite badly. Clint nailed it. God used him in an amazing way on Monday night, and the youth responded. There was an alter call, the Soul Edge guys got up the fornt ready to pray for people, and we did. What I thank God for was the oppurtunity He gave me to talk to one of the girls that went up the front. I talked to her about a relational and loving and caring God. Something that kids here don't seem to understand - that God wants relationship with us. They know of this fact but are yet to really go after it and to pursue relationship with God. Please pray for the youth. That they would come to this understanding and place.
Tuesday we headed out to Swift Current to do the shopping as well as a movie night. Shopping was not the usual experience though. The van was not present at the house so we had to take Dave's amazing Bronco. Big four wheel drive vehicle. Monster of a truck. Thing is though it was modified form a two wheel to a four wheel. so a mechanism was put in place to do this. So there we are Me, Dan G, Cody, JJ, and Paul piled and squished into a four seater (Paul was in the back), and headed off to Swift, while the others headed off to the ranch to get the van in the Erb family car. Everything was all fine and dandy until - the car cut out. Just stopped. So Dave rolled it in neutral until it came to a stop, and Dave and Cody hopped out and took a look at the car. Under the car which the rest of us are still in we hear Dave say something. I forget because at the time it was really good comic value. Turns out thought the two cases that held fluid and contained the machanism which made the Bronco 4WD had ost all the bolts and had moved away from each other, creating a nice big gap. So we sat in the bronco until the van came by and we all hopped in and when to do the shopping. Once again it was two shopping trolley's and a few hundred dollars worth of food. That's a week's worth. there's some carry over though. that night was manly movie night. The oither manly movie night we watched Braveheart. This time it was Gladiator.
Wednesday was good. Got to 10 degrees above 0 which was really nice. And yes that is a very warm day. I was walking around after the soccer game in shorts and shirt. That day I finally got ot meet up with Kent which was good, and then later we had a wonderful night of Cell group with some of the young guys in youth.
I believe it's pretty up to date now.
Have a great one, and God Bless.
Wednesday, March 7
prophets, heart and life.
well the past week has been a pretty stock standard week here in herbert. So no day by day account. Just the interesting stuff.
On Thurday morning last week we met Mark and Annalise (my apologies for mis-spelling) for a session. They made amazing food for us. Just platters of it for just us guys. - another lesson in hospitality. Something they really excel at here in Herbert. Mark is an amazing guy, and a powerful man of God. We sat down and shared with him our hearts for the things that we belive God has for us and the world wide church. He shared some words of wisdom throughout, and when he prayed for each of us at the end he prophesyed something for each and every one of us. Whether it be something now or in the future we were all encouraged and further equipped to pursue relationship with the Lord.
For me this is some of what he told me:
"There is something blocking your relationship with God. This is part of your journey - to find it, and to remove it."
"While journey wil take you far it will cost you."
"You will be a leader, you are a leader."
Since then I have been informed by the Almighty that the thing blocking my relationship with Him is a complex issue. In the core of my heart I have found amazing arrogance, as well as a great dislike for myself. I do not know my identity. I do not know who I am. God is slowly revealing this to me, I have already taken a few steps with God on this road and am slowly discovering this, but I am by no means a long way down this road. The big one is my stone like face and identity that I present to people. I am not real with friends and family - only on rare occaisions will I truly level with someone about my situation. To the extent I have done this amazes me; I also have true regret because of the oppurtunities that have passed me by. Even throughout the years that Tom mentored me, there were so many things I didn't tell him. This is one of my biggest regrets because of the love that he always showed me, and how much wisdom he could have imparted, and how much God could have moved in my life. I have been a closed book for so long. Never being vulnerable to anyone but God. Always keeping my heart to myself and God. Always afraid of hurt and pain. It's a strange thing though. The reason I keep hearing from God to open my heart up to people is because he wants me to bless people through that. I don't get it; I keep getting told my heart is special, unique - and this is why (amoung other reasons I don't know, and others I do) God wants me to open up this book that is my heart. He believes it will strengthen my ministry, and it will help and bless people. Maybe one day I will understand why he wishes me to do this.
So here I must be obedient. I must open up my heart and let people in to see the real Tim. Because not many people have the entire picture of who I am. Even some people who think they may know and understand me through and through, may not. Here I promise to be real. Here I vow and commit to being vulnerable. Want to see my heart? Just ask and I shall lay it out on a plate for you, and it is my prayer that there may be something in my heart that I would be able to encourage and bless you with. Want to know how I struggled with identity? Ask. Want to know how I got through a severe case of terrible self-esteem, and found confidence to move out in? Ask. Want to know my battle with singleness and how God took hold of my life with both hands and saved my from my own desires and selfish ambitions? Ask, and I shall not refuse. But please don't ask for the sake of asking. Ask with the motivation to understand and grow and know God better, or to perhaps learn about a God that you don't know of. Because this is all my life is good for - allowing others to draw nearer and into a more intimate relationship with the living God. My life on it's own is nothing; but there is Jesus Christ, and He makes me significant; so may my signifance and my stories always and only reflect Him.
On Thurday morning last week we met Mark and Annalise (my apologies for mis-spelling) for a session. They made amazing food for us. Just platters of it for just us guys. - another lesson in hospitality. Something they really excel at here in Herbert. Mark is an amazing guy, and a powerful man of God. We sat down and shared with him our hearts for the things that we belive God has for us and the world wide church. He shared some words of wisdom throughout, and when he prayed for each of us at the end he prophesyed something for each and every one of us. Whether it be something now or in the future we were all encouraged and further equipped to pursue relationship with the Lord.
For me this is some of what he told me:
"There is something blocking your relationship with God. This is part of your journey - to find it, and to remove it."
"While journey wil take you far it will cost you."
"You will be a leader, you are a leader."
Since then I have been informed by the Almighty that the thing blocking my relationship with Him is a complex issue. In the core of my heart I have found amazing arrogance, as well as a great dislike for myself. I do not know my identity. I do not know who I am. God is slowly revealing this to me, I have already taken a few steps with God on this road and am slowly discovering this, but I am by no means a long way down this road. The big one is my stone like face and identity that I present to people. I am not real with friends and family - only on rare occaisions will I truly level with someone about my situation. To the extent I have done this amazes me; I also have true regret because of the oppurtunities that have passed me by. Even throughout the years that Tom mentored me, there were so many things I didn't tell him. This is one of my biggest regrets because of the love that he always showed me, and how much wisdom he could have imparted, and how much God could have moved in my life. I have been a closed book for so long. Never being vulnerable to anyone but God. Always keeping my heart to myself and God. Always afraid of hurt and pain. It's a strange thing though. The reason I keep hearing from God to open my heart up to people is because he wants me to bless people through that. I don't get it; I keep getting told my heart is special, unique - and this is why (amoung other reasons I don't know, and others I do) God wants me to open up this book that is my heart. He believes it will strengthen my ministry, and it will help and bless people. Maybe one day I will understand why he wishes me to do this.
So here I must be obedient. I must open up my heart and let people in to see the real Tim. Because not many people have the entire picture of who I am. Even some people who think they may know and understand me through and through, may not. Here I promise to be real. Here I vow and commit to being vulnerable. Want to see my heart? Just ask and I shall lay it out on a plate for you, and it is my prayer that there may be something in my heart that I would be able to encourage and bless you with. Want to know how I struggled with identity? Ask. Want to know how I got through a severe case of terrible self-esteem, and found confidence to move out in? Ask. Want to know my battle with singleness and how God took hold of my life with both hands and saved my from my own desires and selfish ambitions? Ask, and I shall not refuse. But please don't ask for the sake of asking. Ask with the motivation to understand and grow and know God better, or to perhaps learn about a God that you don't know of. Because this is all my life is good for - allowing others to draw nearer and into a more intimate relationship with the living God. My life on it's own is nothing; but there is Jesus Christ, and He makes me significant; so may my signifance and my stories always and only reflect Him.
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